.....I will be able to watch the bucks, does, and fawns
prance through the grassy field to reach the pond filled with brim and catfish
for a drink of spring water. I can sit
up at night to listen to the owls flutter through the woods and the coyote as they
stalk their prey, yipping and yapping on the run. I can see stars, the moon, and plane traffic
like I've never seen quite like here.
Here is my new home; a dream come true late in life....a
blessing like no other for sure. I have
dreamt of a home to hang my heart since I lived in a foster home with my
brothers and other children destined for futures unknown. I dreamed every night a dream of my mother
and wondered if she was alright, and would she ever come to rescue us. I dreamed we would be together again and
enjoy a home of love where nobody could bother us or tear us apart again.
Many years passed and many trials, as well as temptations, marched with those years. A lot of water
under the bridge, but I still dreamed of a home where there was not hollering,
fussing, and stress or abuse as there was in our adopted home.
I worried
I would never have a home through every step of my life. I worried if anybody would love me, want me,
or see the real me through all the fog of life’s stage.
One day I asked God if He was going to give me a home and He
said, "Follow Jesus, and reach for me....... and I will give you the
desires of your heart."
I said I am weak, I make bad choices, but I love you. I cried alligator tears and hung my head.
“I will give you strength.
Lean on me. Listen to me in the
quiet, I will guide you. I love you,
too.” He said softly.
I heard him plain as day.
Though I often made poor choices or stumbled and stalled, each time I
brushed myself off and determined to survive everything thrown at me, I reached
for Him.
There was not a single soul who understood me or my journey or
wanted to. There was nobody in my corner
and there was nobody to comfort me. I
was led straight to Jesus and Jesus walked with me, though nobody wanted to
see. It was a choice I made and a choice
they make, Jesus said. God is my judge
and they stumble, too.
It was too late for some; they chose to judge me and shove
me aside, but Jesus says, they will see one day, as they walk their journey, to
pay the hurt no mind. To love them is who you are, and for them to
not love you, is who they are…for now.
You see, that is how Jesus did and He knows we can do it, too.
So I left my past behind in the dirt where it belonged. I sought to go forward blemishes and all,
knowing Jesus loved me, failures and all.
He doesn’t want someone perfect, but someone He can love because I love
Him enough to let Him in my heart to live.
So my new home is being built upon a rock without abuse. I will decorate it with love and fill it with
peace. Much like He does for me. This little light of mine….I’ll let it
shine.
My baby brothers and I used to
sing this to no end when we were young and sat under the cool trees of a huge
yard clustered in the shadows of a fine house we could not call home because of rampant abuse.
They used to call what we went through falling through the cracks. I for one fell into walking with Jesus.
Just Gina
My two brothers and me post-adoption the first year;
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